The Braschler family is growing from 3 to 4! We are expecting another little one!
I don't know why it has taken me so long to get this on the blog. I think for the most part I didn't really know what to say. It is strange to have been through two miscarriages and now to be pregnant again. Your emotions change, your outlook changes, and your experience is completely different. Once you experience a miscarriage, the initial excitement and happiness of a pregnancy is overshadowed by fear and caution. You tell your family by phone call as more of a prayer request than a big announcement. You feel weird when someone says, "I'm so excited for you!" especially in the early stages because you are feeling less excitement and more nervousness. Most of these are feelings that I have experienced in the first trimester. Thankfully, we have been able to see our doctor as soon as we found out and got lots of visits in early on. It was a huge miracle when we got to see our baby and it's heartbeat and hear that precious sound for the first time. For many weeks my attitude was mostly "cautiously optimistic". I had my blood drawn several times to make sure my hcg levels were increasing as they should. And I also got my progesterone level checked as suggested by my sis-in-law. The doctor called back and said progesterone was a little lower than they'd like it to be so they put me on a supplement, which I think was truly helpful. A low level of progesterone could possibly be the cause of our past miscarriages, but we will really never know. We do know that it has seemed to help this time. Passing the first trimester mark and seeing our baby move at around 12 weeks was amazing. It was after that appointment that I let myself think ahead a little bit. Our two past losses occurred around 7 weeks, so to now be 17 weeks is a major thing. One thing that I wasn't really prepared for was at one of our appointments where they ask a bunch of questions and the nurse said, "So this is your fourth pregnancy, correct?" Nick and I just kind of looked at each other like, wow, I guess it is. I had never thought about it as this is my fourth child. I'm not sure why. It was just weird to hear it put that way.
Some days (very few lately) it feels like I'm just waiting for it to happen again. The further along we get the less I feel that. We are truly excited and thrilled that things seem to be going along very well! We are so very happy to welcome another little one into our family. We know that Caleb is going to be a wonderful big brother. He shows us glimpses of his sweetness to the baby from time to time and we just know he will do great in his new role.
One verse that has been key for me is Psalm 112:7. "We will have no fear of bad news. Our hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Doesn't mean that we won't experience bad news, but we don't need to fear it. Which is not easy.
Here are the basics of this pregnancy thus far:
- I am 17 weeks along.
- I have been so very blessed to not have any morning sickness. I have felt many times that if I don't eat something right this second then I might be sick, but have never experienced it. I think God knows that I don't handle it very well. :/
- Our due date is around May 15. That is a popular date because it is Nick's mom's birthday, his brother's birthday, and my niece's birthday!
- Caleb knows that there is a baby in my belly. He will sometimes kiss it, but we do have to remind him to be gentle with mommy pretty often. He says there is a baby in his belly too sometimes. And he has said that he wants a brother and a sister. (There's just one in there - we checked!) Sometimes he says it's a boy and sometimes he says it's a girl.
- We were supposed to find out the gender on Tuesday, but little baby was being modest so we will hopefully find out January 8th!
Our past experiences have made us more aware of the struggles so many have in their journey to reach motherhood. Infertility, miscarriages and other issues are so much more common than I had ever realized. So I find myself much more concerned with how I share and talk about our news.
We are so very happy to be expecting this little one. We have learned so much in the past year to trust in God's timing - He is in control. In all areas of life, we never know what the next moment may bring, but we know that God has a master plan for all of us that is better than ours. Doesn't mean that we won't experience pain as a part of that plan - after all, we live in a fallen world where hurt and pain are rampant. But we do serve a good God.
This Thanksgiving I am grateful for God's grace and His redemption. We don't deserve the many blessings He gives us, big or small. I am thankful that He loves us anyway.